Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
