If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
