okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
