tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
