Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
