UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
