Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
