I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
