if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
