so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
