My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
