those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How does one acquire holy water?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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