i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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