the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
