...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
