So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
