She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
