Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
