You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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