i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
