I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think I just sharted jello shots
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
