we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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