Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So squirting runs in the family.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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