there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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