remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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