just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
