we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
