Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
