I cannot find my penis.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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