i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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