Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
