I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
