I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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