Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Less talking, more tequila
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
