Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
