I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
