I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
