life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
