He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
