i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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