nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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