sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
