theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
