My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I CAN MOONWALK!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
