"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
