mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to cum in my sink.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
