Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
