I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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