i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
