the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
