my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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