I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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